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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

STATE OF THE UNION

The following is a transcript.

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, members of the Supreme Court and diplomatic corps, distinguished guests and other people I bought.

Today our nation lost a beloved, graceful, courageous woman who called America to its founding ideals and carried on a noble dream, or so I'm told. Tonight we are comforted by the hope of a glad reunion with the husband who was taken from her so long ago, nice shot Andy, and we are grateful for the good life of Coretta Scott King, who also penned our national anthem.

Each time I am invited to this rostrum, I am humbled by the privilege, and mindful of the history we have seen together. We have gathered under this Capitol dome in moments of national mourning and national achievement. We have served America through one of the most consequential periods of our history -- and it has been my honor to serve with you.

Hell, I just made that up. Rostrum - hah, I got no idea what that even means! Mindful of history! Yeah right!

Anyway, in a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But once all these parts are brought under the control of one group, indeed, one voice, even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences won't be allowed to harden into anger. Arrests will be made before that happens. To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of good will and respect for one another -- as long as you are one of us, white, anglo-saxon, protestant rich guys, and I will do my part. Tonight the state of our union is strong -- and together we will make it stronger.

Yes OUR union.

In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country. That's why I hired you. We will choose to act confidently in pursuing the enemies of freedom, as I have defined them; basically your towel-head types, and the commie pinko lefties who want to retreat from our duties in the hope of an easier life. We will choose to build our prosperity by leading the world economy -- or shut ourselves off from trade and opportunity. I haven't decided which, but I can't do both, it's far too much work, and would cut into my poker nights, I'd have to get earlier tee times, it's a hassle.

In a complex and challenging time, the road of isolationism and protectionism may seem broad and inviting to weak minded liberal pussies -- yet it ends in danger and decline. The only way to protect our people ... the only way to secure the peace ... the only way to control our destiny is by my leadership -- so I will continue to lead, my way.

End of Part One.


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