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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

MURDER WAS THE CASE THEY GAVE ME

Fuck. I got a fucking summons for fucking jury fucking duty. What a fucking drag. I don't wanna be a fucking juror. It's gonna fuck up everything! I simply got no time for this fucking shit.

Guilty.

Can I go now?

Comments:
just start builing the scaffolding to hang the defendent from right there in the jury box -- they'll get you out of there right quick.
 
How the hell did they find you?

Just fake a nervous tick during screening and they'll bounce you early.
 
This is going to seriously cut into your blogging.
 
Not if I can get a laptop and a wifi connection, then I can keep you all updated on the case.
 
That'll get you out of jury duty right quick.
 
Being on both a trial jury and a Grand Jury were two of the most terrifying experiences in my life. It turns out that people are incredibly stupid and have no idea what is actually going on in a courtroom.

In the Grand Jury, somebody actually CHEERED when we indicted and said, "Okay, we won that one."

In the trial jury, one of the alleged victims could not point out her "assailant" in the courtroom, even though he was sitting directly in front of her at the defense table. I had to leave the jury, but they voted to convict they guy!!
 
I was on Jury duty 2 times in 4 years... there's no easy way to get out.

My suggestion, bring reading materials, a laptop with movies (if you have one), and a flask of booze (just kidding about this one).

If you are lucky, you will just sit and read all week.

The main thing I want to get across to you is this, 99% OF THE PEOPLE IN JURY DUTY DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE. The clerks and judges have heard EVERY KIND OF EXCUSE THERE IS. Don't even try.

Oh yeah and one more thing - don't be an idiot like me and wear your "I shot Tupoc" shirt... for some reason I was the only person who thought this was funny.

Wait, one more thing - Both times I went to jury duty I totally scored on Transit passes. Here in Minneapolis they give them out for free to Jurors and not everyone uses them. I road the train for 3 months for free.
 
If you were called in Nyack and you're moving to Brooklyn in two weeks you might be able to get out of it.

I was called a few years ago and he day I showed up it was "juror appreciation day." This happens once a year and means that every juror gets a small muffin/cake kind of thing with chocolate frosting and a cup of coffee.

That was some good shit.

I went back to the big room for three days and was never called. But I did read a lot of "Into the Wild."

If you do have to serve, try to enjoy it. Remember, this is one of the systems that makes law and sends some to their death. It should be fun!
 
"I shot Tupoc" shirt..."

Hue, you're fucking killin' me:-)
 
NYC bases it's residency on many things, one of which is my relationship with the Department of Labor - unemplment benefits got me - dang it all!
 
Ted is officially "on the grid."

Next up... junk mail.
 
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