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Saturday, July 07, 2007

LIVE HATIN'

While I'm not nearly as cynical about the cause as my brother and his monkeys, I do concur, with the exception of the headliners, Roger Waters and the Police, that the line-up looks dismal. Wembley got Spinal Tap, Duran Duran, and the Chili Peppers, while I'm stuck here trying to figure out what Taking Back Sunday is all about, and who had Sunday previously, and other such things my mind had been allowed to run to because the bands aren't very good.

Like Kit Tunstall for instance.

Boring.

Oh shit - it's Enrique Iglesias live from Hamburg. Dude, you need a tissue, there's something on your lip.

Crap.

The worst thing about watching these things on TV is the stupid hosts. Actually I feel bad for Duff, I mean sure she's not the brightest bulb in the building, but she's gotten herself all knocked up and whoever is directing this TV coverage has her sitting in a chair in an unflattering angle that makes her look fat instead of preggers.

Shut Up!

All this and I still have Kelly Clarkson to get through. Eeeesh. I think I'll need some help from Mr. Beer to get through this.

SHHHH! It's Leo DiCaprio introducing Uncle Al.

Al is introducing Keith Urban doing 'Gimme Shelter'.

Hmmm, not bad.......oh no! Alicia Keys! Ahhhhh! No! NO! NO!

Here's a really talented individual, but what's with the oversinging? All those runs, gadzooks!

Damn that Proactiv works though.....

Hell. it's like they aren't even singing the same song.

Crap.

Nice, a shot of some chick with 'Save the Planet' on her ass. Listen honey, the planet's not in danger, it's US! We're in danger! Mostly from idiots like you.

Okay now I'm getting bored again, wondering if they raised enough money last week to save Diana. I'm certain it's gonna take some serious cash, I mean she has been dead ten years now.....

I'm going to keep using that one until I get a laugh, so you might as well settle in, it's going to a while I figure.

Okay, enough Keith Urban. I mean he's okay, I guess. Good guitar player, tight band, but it's that pop country thing, it's too clean, it needs a drug habit or something.

Oh, we're headed to London for some Black Eyed Peas.

Huh?

Not a word.

Why are they yelling at me?

I'd say if you want to Get It Started, start by not yelling all over everybody else's lines.

Ah, a welcomed commercial break.

Some unintelligible German model/slut is now trying to talk about hurricanes.

Ludacris is up now.

Why do rappers insist on holding the 58 around the capsule? It does not help. I guess fidelity is not a concern.

Now this is cool. Literally. They have some band playing in Antarctica! I missed the intro, so I don't know who they are, but they look Canadian. Maybe it's the heavy winter clothes. I'm not sure if they suck, or that it's hard to stay in tune in Antarctica. Gotta hand it to them, taking it straight to the heart of the matter.

Nanatuck? Something like that. 5 Scientists jamming for Eco Awareness. Cool.

AFI? ATF? ATV? VH1?

The singer is awful. Honey, the pancake doesn't work in daylight.

Funny, I don't see anybody playing a synth, but it's practically the only thing I'm hearing.

Oh shit, the dude's a vegan.

God help us all.

Oh, and now they're gonna massacre 'Ziggy'.....I gotta go away for a bit, to save myself, and others....

Pussycat Dolls?

Girls gone wild?

I think they are singing to the same backing track that AFI used.

There's only one way to improve on that act.

Lose the outfits altogether.

Oh, the German model/slut is back and chatting with the lame host.

Beer.

Where's the reefer.......

Fall Out Boy.........or the Chris Farley Band? Seriously.

I guess they're better than AFI, or at least AFI's backing tape.

I can't believe these acts have record deals and the management juice to get this gig.

The level of talent in what passes for Rock today is nearly non-existent.

I wish they'd show the Chili Peppers' London set again.

Flea is amazing. They had a second guitar player. I guess Frusciante painted himself in a corner on some of the tunes from Stadium Arcadium. I guess it's cool, but it's weird seeing five people on the Chilis' stage.

Fall Out Snore is off the stage now and being interviewed by the loser host. I like them better when they are not playing.

It's now night time as we're in Sydney watching Jack Johnson.

Kinda hard to mock this.

How boring.

AKON. OKAYKON.

At least he's holding the mike properly so that we can understand him.

Okay, he's pretty good. Respect.

I'm heading to the studio.

5:30 pm

Back before Roger's set.

---------------------------------

Okay, I'm back. 7:30 pm, Dave Mathews is on.

How can such a great band be so boring?

So, what did I miss over the past two hours?

I can't seem to find out. Hopefully it was Kelly Clarkson, or Kanye.

I think Dave is playing the same song for, like, a half hour. Great drummer. Such a waste.

Cameron Diaz? Please God, can't you see we need help down here!

Madonna in London.

I can't really rag on Madonna, 'cept to say that she really should stop it with the guitar. Where's David Lee Roth with his sage advice; 'Nobody wants to see your dead ass play guitar'.

Apparently he was wrong back in 84, plenty of people did want to see Eddie's dead ass play keyboards, but I think I speak globally here when I say that nobody wants to see Madonna strum a Les Paul.

Hmmmmm.....

I think she's not only actually playing, but I can hear it in the mix - okay, she's got AFI beat.

Respect.

Oh shit, she's getting all crazy with the Les Paul, sliding the neck against the PA column, you go girl!

Fuck, Clarkson's on.....shit, I hope I didn't miss Roger.

God, this shit is horrible.

Can you lay off the vibrato for a nano-second Kelly?

Just like Alicia Keyes, trying too hard.

Need more Beer...............

---------------------------------------------------------


Holy utter crap! I went to the store for Beer, sweet sweet Beer, and when I got back Clarkson was still yelping.


Hey, it's the Chilis re-broadcast I was asking for. Dani California.


Ahhhh, a real band. Holdouts from a day almost past.


The only real Rock Stars I've seen so far today.


Here's Kanye. I can't give an unbiased opinion (as if...), because I just don't like this guy. He's a whiner, a self-important marginally talented whiner.


He should have re-thought his outfit. The camouflage cap doesn't go with the red and white track jacket and red golf shirt.


It's the details........

I'm really starting to think I missed Roger.




Okay, I just checked the Brain Damage site, it says Roger goes on after Bon Jovi, before the Police, as I originally suspected. Cool.

Yes! The Beasties in London.

Sabotage.

I love when they do the band thing, I mean they aren't great musicians, but they understand groove and feel better than most.

Crap! Only one song! Clarkson got at least four!

Such utter crap. Why? Dear God, why?

Cameron is back, yak yak yak......shut up! Save the planet? The planet? Uh, the planet's doing fine, it's just gearing up to get rid of our annoying presence upon it, idiot.

Bon Jovi.

Memories of hatin' past. I used to hate these guys back when they were killing Metal in the eighties.

Now I got respect for them. They've hung in there, haven't changed much. They didn't try to be Grunge when Hair Metal died, they just sort of leaned back a little into more of a Springsteen feel, which let's face it, suits these Jersey boys.

I'm not saying I'm gonna rush out and buy any Bon Jovi records, just that they don't make me vomit.

No Vomit - a rave from Jackson!

John just wants to live while he's alive. Sometimes when he's alone, and all he does is think. Easy John, don't break anything. John has never been a lyrical genius. He is pretty though.


Foo Fighters from Wembly.

Again the Brits with the better acts. I blame Bush.

See, that's funny because this is Al's event.......get it?

Smashing Pumpkins from somewhere dark. Can't say I care much about this reunion. Corrigan is such an annoying dude - so negative, and his voice just grates. I'd rather see this than fuckin' Clarkson though.

Roger is up next, I'm all a twitter.

No he's not, Joss Stone in Johannesburg is. I'm worried about Joss. The 'too much too soon' factor is looming. I like when she's doing the Janis thing, but she's edging toward that R&B oversinging trap.

All these chicks gotta realize that there was, is, and should always be, one Aretha. Leave it alone, let's hear YOU sing.

Rhianna in Japan. I missed it really, too busy typing. I think I fared well in that endeavour.

The Legal Diva got home just before the Pumpkins, we're cooking dinner. Now I have to pretend to be excited about the Police.

I'm okay with that.

Another 'highlight' from London, Genesis.

Sigh...........

Phil Collins is about as exciting as a test pattern.

Chester Thomson however, I can just watch Chester hit the skins; that's entertainment enough.

At long last.......Roger Waters.

Quick 'In the Flesh' open, followed quickly by 'Money'.

Usual Surrogate Band members; Andy Fairweather-Low (guitar, vocals), Snowy White (guitar), Dave Kilminster (guitar, vocals), Jon Carin (keyboards, vocals), Graham Broad (drums), Harry Waters (Hammond organ), Ian Ritchie (saxophone), and Katie Kissoon, PP Arnold and Carol Kenyon (vocals).

Roger seems much more the Rock Star now that he did when he was cementing his legendary status. Formerly a lurker, he's become a big stage stroller, taking long jaunts during sax and guitar solos.

John Carin steps up to the mic for 'Us and Them'.

'Brain Damage/Eclipse' - awesome

Will it be all Floyd?

Oh shit, there's a giant floating pig. It's not Dave's pig.

'Happiest Days of Our Lives' into 'Brick 2', flawless. Actual children onstage.

That's it.

Damn.

Cool.

Lenny Kravitz coming in from Rio. He likes to rock. Are you gonna go his way?

Well done Lenny.

Another Duran re-run. Pretty good actually.

The Police come to close it out. Good start with "Driven To Tears', 'Roxanne' got shaky, but they pulled it together during the jam breakdown end bit.

During 'Can't Stand Losing' the Legal Diva got upset. I knew it would happen.

They are seriously stretching out these tunes.

'Message In a Bottle' with John Meyer, okay why not?

He didn't just bring out Kanye, did he?

He didn't.

He did.

Oh lord, do we deserve this?

It's over, good night, time for chicken dinner.

Comments:
thanks for the summary.. I'm happy I didn't waste the day on that dreck.
I'm with you re: Davey Havok... just silly... Criss Angel and Liberace's love child, me thinks.
I wouldn't mind seeing the Foo's, the Peppers (aint right with 5), and I would have put the mute on for Rihanna... Visuals were worth it, Im sure...
I will use her um-ber-ella.
 
You missed Macy Gray in rio?? That was something else.
 
OMG. funnyest thing you've written in a long time.

more beer!!

LOL
 
holy moly, some funny funny shit.
 
"..it needs a drug habit or something."

I think I might steal that expression from you. Great fun, thanks!
 
Well done Jackson... The best live blogging session I've ever read. I thought Grohl was shouting to much. Perhaps the monitors were't working. They could've cut the crap out (Clarkson et al) and given Roger, Police, Foos, Chilli's, etc... full sets and this would've been pretty cool. Great summation on DMB.

Have wondered many times about the whole grabbing the mic up at the capsule and making it sound shitty. What's up with that?
 
As for Grohl - he's always like that live, I've seen them three times, he's a shouter live.
 
Why has nobody made note of the greatest rock'n'roll moment of all time?

Spinal Tap - Big Bottoms with every person in Wembley who could play a bass.

Simply a-bassing!

The Foo's and Beasties were great, did you notice Walters using backing tracks? I don't think that the NJ kids really have English accents.
 
FYI, I believe Keith Urban recently did a stint in rehab. Sorry that I know that. How was the Akon Sideshow Hippie Throwing Contest?
 
I totally missed the Spinal Tap.

Waters, and Floyd have been using backing tapes for many years now, all the instruments are live, but all the sound effects and the kids choir stuff is always from tape.

I'm not sure what Hippie Throwing Contest you are referring to.
 
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/id/2326727913

You'll have to teach me how to link things properly
 
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