Savage Distortion

TEDSTOCK: One Day Of No Peace

Now that the poster is done, the T-shirts have been ordered, and the guest list is made, I guess it's time to fill you all in on what to expect from TEDSTOCK.

Initially, TEDSTOCK was simply a 40th birthday party for me, but being the BIG PRODUCTION guy that I am, I couldn't leave well enough alone. I had to create the event of the season. Already, a month out, I'd say TEDSTOCK is a success, so much so, I'm already planning my 50th - TEDHENGE - that's right, I'm going to build a Henge. We don't have many Henges over here, so I thought, hell, I want me own Henge, really.

So, what is TEDSTOCK? Well it's still a birthday party, but it's also a concert, and a benefit for Autism Awareness. Hue hipped me to NYFAC, and they will be sending over a staffer to mind a table where you can pick up literature about Autism, and where you can buy TEDSTOCK T-shirts, the proceeds from which will also go to NYFAC (after we cover cost of course, this is a benefit, not a financial aneurysm).

As far as the 'party' part goes, it works like this: I've put together a 'guest list' of about a hundred friends, family members, and band members. The show starts at 4 pm, and from 4 pm to 8 pm there will be food and open bar for those on the 'guest list', BUT, all are welcome to attend. Trash Bar's outer bar opens at 5 pm, and will function as it does on any other day. Mostly, this is a ruse to get all my nephews and nieces into the bar. Which brings us to the bands.

The first band, scheduled to go on around 4:45, will be the Four Fellas. My nephew Josh's band. Josh is 9 years old, and he is the drummer. The Four Fellas consist of schoolmates from The Little Red Shoolhouse. Their repetior consists of classic hard rock (Kiss/Zepplin) to modern hard rock (Green Day), with a splash of NYC punk (Ramones). I could not be more proud to have the Four Fellas on the bill. I'm thinking of sitting in on a number with them, maybe 'Suzy Is A Headbanger'.

Around 5:15 we'll see Geek Farm take the stage. I truly thank them for taking this spot on the bill. They've been sports about it, and I appreciate that. Much better than Motley Crue did at that Moscow drug farce with Bon Jovi. Geek Farm is a unique band. They write well crafted pop/punk songs and play them with all the zeal of your tech department when the server goes down. You can catch them at Kenny's Castaways this Sunday night.

6:00 brings us The Lost Patrol. I am pleased to be able to showcase this great act, which adds diversity as well as mood to TEDSTOCK. King of Reverb, and personal good friend of the late Bob Moog, Steve Masucci brings his band to lend a hand. You don't want to miss them.

Those who read this blog regularly know of George Vitray. I wouldn't dream of letting George get away with not playing TEDSTOCK. George has put together the Via Skyway Band, which features Mike and Dave from Microdot, my partner at Smoke and Mirrors - Chris, and Mr. Timex himself - Rob Machold. They will take the stage at 7 pm.

At 8:00 we get blessed by Microdot. Mike, Dave, and new drummer Joe, will play sweet melodic guitar pop infused with progressive chops. Think radio friendly Rush with no synth and a tenor vocalist. Well that's not Microdot, but thanks for playing along.

9:00 - The Horse You Rode In On is my triumph, my white whale, and my favorite band. Being that they haven't been a band, really, since 92, it is something of a miracle, for me, to have them perform at TEDSTOCK. Accompanying The Horse will be Blowin' Chunks, a Horn Section featuring John and Pete from Kablamachunk. Vaudvillian Funk Punk, good coke and cheap acid. You never know what you'll get, other than a real good time.

10:00 - #12 Rock and Roll Noodle. Ah, the Noodle. Again, regular readers have been following this ever unfolding story for some time. Happy Boy will not be reborn. I'm hoping that Kory's shoulder will be in enough working order that he can spin some CD's at TEDSTOCK, but as his seat behind the drums was filled by The Machold, well it's a whole new ballgame for Chris, Paul Daly (Acquiesce, Figo), and myself. We changed the set, about 50% of it, and will play as #12 Rock and Roll Noodle. You can call us The Noodle, or Noodle.

The X's will play at 11:00. John from the X's is a good friend from High School. Tony and I hadn't seen him for over 20 years. I've seen The X's three times now, and they are just plain damn good. Great tunes, great energy, great arrangements. They're great.

Gonna blindside you at midnite with some Hip Hop from Just One. He might bring his beat master Silk Sheets, or he may freestyle with a live band culled from previously mentioned personages.

Figo wraps it all up at 1:00 am. I gave this slot to them because I know they can handle it. Mere mortals could never hang that long. Figo got juice. Besides, if anything gets broken, we're done anyway.

So that's how it will work, I look forward to seeing you all. Get there early - see me sober!

NFL WEEK FOUR

After last weeks dismal performance by me and most of the NFL it's hard to predict anything, but here goes:

New Orleans over Buffalo
Jacksonville over Denver
Tampa Bay over Detroit
Cincinnati over Houston
Indianapolis over Tennessee
San Diego over New England
Seattle over Washington
Giants over St. Louis
Jets over Baltimore
Oakland over Dallas
Atlanta over Minnesota
Philly over KC

San Fran plays Arizona in Mexico City - they all get kidnapped - no game.

Green Bay upsets Carolina on Monday Night - Brett likes prime time.

LORDS OF DOGTOWN

My brother blogged about this excellent film when it was in theaters. I don't think I've ever seen a period piece get it so right. I'm a huge fan of 70's culture. I loved That 70's Show, Dazed and Confused, and Detroit Rock City, and it's no shocker that I should love this movie. As Tony Alva stated on Fred's blog, and as I hope he will revisit those notions here, these guys were our hero's. Jay Adams, Stacy Peralta, and yes, Tony Alva (the real one) are portrayed perfectly in this great movie about a great time in American sport and culture. It gets it right, as it should. It's written and produced by Stacy Peralta. I like it when they get it right. This dramatized version of the amazing documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys, also a Peralta film, tells the personal side of the story, and it's a very personal story.

Great soundtrack too.

BERNADETTE

In 1980 I fell in love with a woman who played the trumpet. I'm sure she will miss all the stuff. Like the remote control, and the paddle - ball game, and the thermos.

I'm picking out a thermos for you......

So long Bernadette, I'll miss you. Maybe they'll have the old Pizza In A Cup in heaven.

UPDATE:

It was her Husband who died, I was barely awake when I heard the story on the news, my mistake. My condolences go out To Bernadette who has had a tough year. I'm still picking out a thermos for you Bernadette.

HUMANITY PLAZA

WTF? Do we need Cynthia Nixon and Joan Rivers building houses? Would you want them to build yours? Surely there are more qualified people for this job, and just as surely there's a better spot to build them than Rockefeller Plaza. I'm sure my shock has something to do with the fact that I haven't watched morning news (Today) since I left my mom's house in 1984. I didn't realize the extent of the problem, i.e., the celebritizing of America. It's bizzaro world. I now believe the number one evil facing America is network television.

A BIGGER BANG
By Tony Alva

"A Bigger Bang" is indeed a great Stones record. I love it. It sounds like a MUCH better recorded Exile. Mick really sounds good on this one. The rockers, the skank, the boogie, the blues, it's all there. I'm a total sucker for Keith Richards' guitar.

I love riffs like "Can't YouHear Me Knocking" and "Happy", just Keith flailing his arms across an opened tuned five string telecaster, and this record has a ton of that.

The usual group of part timers are there (Chuck L., Bobby Keys, etc...) but they aren't featured as prominantly as they often have been on previous efforts post "Some Girls". You almost get the feeling that before this album, Mick and Keith didn't think they could really make records without all this added support. Maybe they aren't lying when they say that Charlie's brush with mortality forced them to make this one alone like in the old days.

I don'tknow shit, but I'll bet Keith knew they could and it's been Mick who's been big on bringing in all these big session guys all these years. My basis for this opinion is the fact that Keith has gone out and made some very fine records on his own with nothing but a rock-n-roll band (Drums, Bass, Guitar, and Piano).

I gotta say that Ronnie has finally earned his way to getting more visable in the mixes. He's got some wailing slide and killer guitar solo bits.

This is what "A Bigger Bang" sounds like to me: A Keith Richards solo record with Mick on vocals. I hope they keep working this formula.

Poulet avec Asperge et des Poivres

Fuckin' French. I looked up Cordon Blue to see what it means in French to help me name this dish I made last night for Deittra. It means Blue Cord. What the F? Well anyway last night I cooked up a variation on this classic and here's how we do:

Very rarely do I conceive a dish prior to the moment of divine creation. In other words I don't know what I'm making until I'm making it. I always have some sort of vague notion because I know what I'm using. It's like the Iron Chef. I just buy stuff, and then throw myself at it, see what happens. It's art.

Last night I actually envisioned the meal before even going to the store. I ended up changing one thing - a pasta sub out for rice (I suck at rice, my Charleston born and bred Deittra has shown me how simple it is, but I'm gun shy and switch my starch from the intended rice quite often, that is if I can't get somebody else to do it).

First roast some peppers. Roasting peppers has become a matter of ceremony and I rarely prepare them any other way. If your going to cook them, you need to roast 'em first; to blister off the thin cellophane type skin, and to release the smoky goodness within.

Cut off the tops where the stem connects with the pepper. Don't remove the seeds unless you are truly a wimp. I used three kinds of peppers; one yellow bell, one poblano, and four red santa fe's (the poblano and the santa fe's are chilies). Once you have cut off the tops, you can stand the pepper in a baking dish. Rub them with olive oil, and roast at 500 degrees. You can broil them, but you gotta watch 'em or they'll char up on you. When they are nice and blistered, but not totally black, pull them out and let them stand as they are to cool. Many folks soak them in water at this point, but that will dilute the oils which are chock full o' flava!

Veggie chopping; get very high.

Take one bunch of asparagus. Cut off the top inch, the most tender bits, and set them aside. Cut off the top half of what is left of the stalk and set them aside. Put the bottom halves in a bowl with the pepper tops. Save all discarded veggie matter.

Two large shallots. Peeled and chopped. Put skins in bowl with the bottom halves of the asparagus. Chop the top halves of the stalks, and add to chopped shallots in a sealable container. Add a cup of beer (Eggenber Pils), some fresh dill, and a dash of olive oil. Shake furiously and let it sit in the fridge a bit.

In a large pot with two quarts of water boil the discarded veggie matter to make a stock. I added two packets of beef bouillon, some cumin, some graham masala curry, salt and pepper, and fresh dill.

While you are boiling the fuck out of the stock pot, it's hammer time. Take filleted chicken breast, and cut each breast into two sections along the natural fault line. You'll have a large bit and a smaller one. If you have a mallet, break it out. Cover the chicken in wax paper if you got it. Plastic wrap will do if your in a pinch. I had no mallet, so I put a spatula in a sandwich baggie and used the heel of my clog. When hammering the meat, go easy but firm, you want to make the chicken thin so you can roll it.

At this point the Peppers should be cool enough to handle. Pull the peppers out and place the hammered chicken slabs in the pan where the peppers were. Let them soak in the pepper oils.

Peel off the skin of the peppers. It should come easy if you've cooked them long enough. You'll end up with roasted pepper strips.

Roll up the chicken with some thinly sliced deli ham, two roasted pepper strips (one chili, one yellow bell), dried mango strips, and four asparagus tips. Set the rolls in a baking dish.

Drain the veggie matter from the stock pot, and add the shallot/asparagus stem bits. Add one can of garbonzo beans, and bring to a boil.

Crack and whip two eggs. Pour egg wash over chicken rolls, and quickly cover in bread crumbs. Place in oven at 400 degrees.

After the beans and asparagus have been boiling a bit and are tender, add fresh cheese ravioli. Cook about four minutes, or until raviolis float. Drain, saving the broth, and set aside.

To broth add one cup plain yogurt, one cup sour cream, and one small can of UN-sweetened condensed milk. Add more cumin, more fresh dill, and a simple rue of melted butter combined with flour to thicken broth into sauce. Stir, stir , stir.

Pull out chicken rolls. On a plate goes the ravioli with garbonzos and asparagus bits, a chicken roll, and sauce on top.

It is recommended to drink the rest of the beer, plus two more, and keep smoking throughout.

Enjoy, and chop careful.

MY CRAPPY NFL PICKS

I have never fared this poorly. I knew it. I only got three out of twelve. There's still tonight's game. My poor Jets. Always in the game to the end, the seriously ugly end. I'll let somebody else detail my dismal performance.

DID I SAY THE STONES?

Well, it was funny for a day, but we fell out of love with playing as 'The Stones'. Fortunately, Paul, Chris and I have a backlog of potential band names to choose from. One name we kicked around back before somebody (Kory?) found the fateful package of margarine that would provide Happy Boy with a moniker, was #12 Rock and Roll Noodle. We may, or may not have, used that name at a gig at the Orange Bear (worst venue anywhere, ever). To be honest, I was still not a full human when Happy Boy began, I was returning, but I hadn't fully arrived. Those days have fuzzy memories, if any at all. Anyway, I always loved the name #12 Rock and Roll Noodle, so I am happy to be able to say that just such a band will be playing at TEDSTOCK.

NFL WEEK 3

I have a feeling my picks suck. We'll see.

ATL over Buffalo
Carolina over Miami
Chigago over Bengals
Cleveland over Indianapolis (go Clevo!)
Jets over Jags
Saints over Vikes
Philly over Oakland (tough pick for me)
Green Bay over Tampa Bay (Brett wins one finally)
Tennesee over the illigitamate St. Loius
Seattle over some team from Arizona
San Fran over Dallas (that's a hater's pick)
Pittsburg over New England (this could go bad for me)
Giants over San Diego (I'm a fool, I know)
KC over Denver

WHAT ARE YOU

http://www.okcupid.com/politics

Everybody loves these on-line quizzes, right? No? Shut up and do it.

Tony came up a Social and Economic Moderate, best described as a Centrist. He was also told : 'You exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness.'

I agree with that assessment, though it generalizes Tony. Which is sort of my point, but before I get into that, here's how I fared:

I'm a Social and Economic Liberal, and I am best described as a Socialist. Apparently, along with Tony, I exhibit a very well developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness.

What's in a name? My name is socialist, Tony's is centrist, but apparently we believe, and act the same way.

Generalizations always let the individual down, in general. Generally speaking, that is.

WHAT IS YOUR WORK WORTH

Over the past few days there has been an ongoing conversation on this blog and at Telecasting.blogspot.com (My partner in crime, Chris Pace). Basically Tony Alva, Chris and I have engaged in that foolhardy pursuit - solving the worlds problems.

Chris nailed the crux of this particular biscuit when he talked about how in our economic driven society all equations come down to the same denominator - a person's worth. This is what I call the Caddyshack Syndrome.

As you may recall, Danny wants to go to college, but his parents have procreated away any chance of helping him do so. Danny decides to spend the summer as a caddy sucking up to Judge Smaels (brilliantly performed by the late Ted Knight, which exemplifies further the point that the world is indeed not 'fair', because in a 'fair' world Ted would have received at least an Oscar nomination for his efforts).

When Danny finally summons the courage to broach the subject of how he would like to go to college, but can't afford it, with the Judge, Smeals replies: "The world needs ditch diggers too, Danny."

Indeed the world does need ditch diggers. Have you ever dug a ditch? It sucks. We're talking back breaking, sweaty even in winter, bone weary work. Ditch diggers do not make very much money. Cotton pickers make less. Cotton picking is THE worst job EVER. Your fingers bleed, your back breaks from bending over all day; it sucks real hard.

At the same time, Levi's, a corporation that uses a metric shit-ton of cotton daily has a fleet of executives who get paid seven figures to take four months of vacation every year, lunch for hours at a time, and when they do show up at work, they sit in a cushy window office and do squat while their lower paid assistants do all the work that they, the execs, take credit for.

It's a unbalanced equation from hell, but it is our world. It always has been, and always will be. It's how we do, as it is currently popular to say.

TEDSTOCK: UPDATE

Well, as you may have heard, there will be no Happy Boy reunion at TESTOCK. We wish Kory a speedy recovery, but the show must go on. So, in Happy Boy's stead, we are happy to anounce that The Stones are going to take the Happy Boy time slot at TEDSTOCK. That's right, The Stones. Don't miss it!

NOT MY BROTHER'S NUGGETS

Fred is doing a weekly spot on his blog called Nuggets in which he picks an album that he feels deserves more attention than it gets. I love this idea, and in fact have been doing blogs of this ilk sporadically all along. So I will try to do a weekly nugget of my own, and I pretty much guarantee you will not find these albums mentioned on his Top Fifty or Nuggets blogs.

Ah, the glory that is In Trance by the Scorpions.

In 1975 German Rockers the Scorpions released their third LP, In Trance, teaming up for the first time with producer Dieter Dierks - a relationship that would last for decades was established.

In 1975 the Scorpions were purveyors of Space Rock, a blend of heavy blues based rock with plenty of Hendrixian guitar action. In Trance is the pinnacle of that moment in rock. For some reason Germany had, and has, a large and dedicated fanbase for bands such as Hawkwind, Budgie, UFO, and hometown boys the Scorpions. The five piece band from Hanover joined Dieter in his studio in Koln (Cologne) and produced an album that set the bar in terms of the whammy bar.

Ulrich Roth, who replaced the seemingly unreplaceable Michael Schenker, took Hendrix flash where even Jimmy hadn't. For evidence one need only drop the needle on track one; 'Dark Lady'. If, indeed, you survive this mind bending experience, you are given a breather in the form of Klaus Meine's telling of a morning when he woke up 'In Trance', but as the pretty picking turns around and slams into the chords of the chorus, you are woken from the trance in time to be taken on a psychedelic trip down arpeggio lane as the band creates mood and groove in 'Life's Like A River'. Roth's eastern influences shine against his Teutonic trills, the mix is heady, and heavy in that really, really high sort of way. 'Life's Like A River' is easily one of the all time great songs nobody in America has ever heard. 'Top of the Bill' is a standard heavy rock tune with an awesome guitar track, ground zero for the new Wave Of Heavy Metal that would erupt four years later. 'Living and Dying' is another slower number where Klaus gets to do his thing unfettered. I love these numbers, having been listening to them for twenty five years, so expressive, and vulnerable yet fearless. Klaus is no Bill Shakespeare. Klaus' English is not great, but he tries oh so hard to tell his story in a language that he quite obviously is not a master of, and I love him all the more for it.

" In the dirty old city
There is my home
There's my home, there's my home
There is my home

Nothing really looks pretty
And I've been alone
I've been alone, I've been alone
I've been alone

And in my heart
Many wishes are crying
Living and dying

In the house of darkness
There's a magic stone
Magic stone, magic stone
The magic stone

But I couldn't find it
'Cause the shine is gone
Shine is gone, shine is gone
The shine is gone"

You see, the shine is gone. The shine is gone, the shine is gone, the shine is gone. Man, that's some heavy shit. Anyway, next up is the goofy, but kinda cool 'Robot Man'. 'Oooh, ooooh, he's a robot man." What's cool about this very silly number are the effects that Mr. Dierks uses on the vocals and guitars, very processed for 1975. Lots of panning, phasing, filters o' plenty. Neat stuff. The remainder of the record is a melodic tour de force alternating between sweet down tempo lazy phased picking, and slam in your face chord stomping like so many jack boots on pavement. 'Evening Wind', 'Sun In My Hand', 'Longing for Fire', and 'Night Lights' are examples of Mood Rock, as I like to call it, the songs sound like their titles, and go great with psychedelic drugs. Way beyond their years in terms of production and arrangement, on 'In Trance' the Scorpions not only showed they could play with the big boys, they were the big boys.

TEDSTOCK: SPECIAL REPORT

I recieved some bad news last night. Happy Boy drummer Kory Smith broke his clavicle in a biking accident on the Brooklyn Bridge. He will be out of commission for TEDSTOCK. The remainder of Happy Boy has three options, as I see it. 1) Drum machine. I'm not a big fan of this option because it doesn't allow for sponteneity. We'd be locked in to the programmed beat. We'd be tighter, but, to me, it just wouldn't feel right. 2) Chris plays drums. We have rehearsed this way, and it works, but that leaves me as sole guitar player, and that's a role I'm not all that comfortable with. I like having two guitars, I like having Chris' guitar to lean on when I'm singing. 3) Replacement drummer. I like this option the best, but it seems the least feasible. If we could, at this late date, get somebody to fill in, then that's the way I'd prefer to go. Rob Machold won't be available at all for a couple of weeks because he's out of the country, and when he does return, he's got George (Via Skyway) to deal with.

Know any drummers?

NFL WEEK 2 WRAP UP

After Monday night's games, I end up at 11 and 5. I think that's a pretty good start.

TEDSTOCK

There has beeen a line-up change.

Four Fellas
Geek Farm
Lost Patrol
Via Skyway
Microdot
The Horse You Rode In On
Happy Boy
The X's
Just One
Figo

We're working on the design for the Posters/T-shirts which will be sold, and profits will go to AutismCares and a Gulf Coast disater relief organization that has yet to be determined. If anybody has a suggestion, I would appreciate it.

TEDSTOCK
Sunday, October 30, 4pm
Trash Bar
Grand St
Williamsburg, Brooklyn

BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

"I think it's very important that Americans understand... tax cuts are always popular, but about half of these tax cuts since 2001 have gone to people in my income group, the top 1 percent. I've gotten four tax cuts. They're responsible for this big structural deficit, and they're not going away, the deficits aren't." - Bill Clinton

How many times must a man say the same shit before something gets done.

It seems to me that Bill fixed the economy, and got rid of the biggest deficit in our nation's history up to that point. He inheirited it from a Republican named Bush. Before we could reap any real benefit, along comes Bush JR, and not only are we back to square one, it's even worse. We are in the hole so bad, and the only folks in Washington who want to do something about are are out-voted by a majority of near-sighted jackasses who have been bought and paid for by Big Business, GW's constituancy. The one's who have benefitted from the tax cuts.

I think I just heard Laura Bush say 'Let them eat cake'.

HOW EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD IS THE FAULT OF BIG BUSINESS

Hurricanes. Getting worse. More of them, and more dangerous they get. This is a result of the depleation of the ozone layer, which is the fault of Big Business.

The state of the American Music Industry. It sucks. Again, Big Business is at fault.

Republicanism, or Neo-Conservatism. Bred by Big Business, neo-cons have ruined our reputation amongst world powers, and divided a populace.

The American Educational System. Since we haven't figured out how to profit on education without pricing out a majority of our populace, Big Business is making America stupider. (yes, I said stupider)

Addiction. Big Pharma, a subsiduary of Big Business has duped and doped America into a dependancy on mood stabalizers, and pain killers. DTC advertising (direct to consumer) has created a nation of hypochondriacs.

Wepons. We make 'em, then we sell 'em to our enemies to use against us. We put them in hands of kids, criminals, and terrorists, all for the sake of the bottom line.

Conglomeration. The greatest evil we face. ENRON, TYCO, SONY, DISNEY......evil mutherfuckers.

OR THIS GUY

More Republican hate found at Huezine. This was in response to Hue's post about Autism Cares - Katrina. How come I never see the inverse of this? Oh yeah, because Republicans are heartless bastards...

"Harley Republican, Proud Supporter of OUR President said...

You hate President Bush, you probably blame him for the hurricane. You call him an idiot, you call him a disaster. Then you have the balls to ask people for help with autistics?

you obviously only want liberal dems to help you, unless you think offending everyone else is going to get you some support.

The problem with people like you is, you expect the goverment to pay all the bills just because someone has a special circumstance. Guess what, EVERYONE has some kind of special circumstance.

All the people who got out of New Orleans in time whether they had disablilties or not were the same people who did not rely on the goverment to pay all the bills. They are the people who rely on themselves to get through life.

It is not hard this thing we call life. Go to college, get a job, start saving money, get married, have a family. Then when the hurricane hits, put your family in the SUV and go to higher ground. Hopefully to a hotel with room service and a pool for the kids.

I will not be visiting the site you are advertising."

I'm glad this guy had time to interview ALL the people who got out of New Orleans. It must have been exhausting. I'm sure all the folks who got stuck in NO were saying to themselves, 'Man, if I had just gone to college'.

I don't recall Hue saying anything about the Government paying anybody's bills. Are all Republicans delusional as well, must be, look who they elected President.

Why is there so much hate on the right?

In the end, I guess he should support his President. I'm still looking or one of my own to support.

NFL TODAY

I missed last week, I was in DC. I saw the New Orleans game which made me happy along with a great many others. I missed the Jet game, and boy am I glad I did. Anyway it's time to get back to business here. Last year I missed week one, so I guess it's officially a tradition.

Let's review. I don't gamble. When I have, in the past, put money down on chance, chance always made me regret it. I love football, and wouldn't want to lose sight of what I love about it, to join a football pool would force me to pick against my heart, and that would suck. Money isn't as cool as Football, the game is on the field, not on a little card with check boxes. I make picks based on what I would like to see happen. I did this last year and had a great time. I was also able to maintain a 2 to 1 winning ratio, or around 66%. That is until the post season.

What is the criteria? How do I decide? Well let's look at my picks for this week and I'll explain as I go.

Baltimore at Tennessee. I pick Tennessee. It's a tough one. Tennessee's helmet logo is one of the worst in the league. Tennessee also wears powder blue. Not good. Baltimore, however, wears purple, which is unforgivable. Their helmet logo is rather vapid as well, and the final blow, the kicker if you will is the fact that I don't consider them to be a legit NFL team. The Colts belong in Baltimore, and the Ravens belong in another city that has no football team, like Trenton.

Buffalo at Tampa Bay. That's easy - Tampa Bay. The colors are fine on both sides, but Tampa wins on helmet logo. Buffalo is a crappy city as well. Why do they even bother, really?

Detroit at Chicago. Another tough one. Chicago plays outdoors, Chicago is my pick. Black is also better than silver, although silver is acceptable.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis. Is this the NFL or NASCAR. No pick. It doesn't matter. These are not football teams.

Minnesota at Cincinnati. Both indian names, very cool. The Vikings make the hideous mistake of wearing purple, but it's a darker purple than the Ravens, which is better, but still purple. The Bengals helmet is silly, but the Vikings play indoors. Hmmmm. Cincinnati I think, yes, Bengals over Vikes.

New England at Carolina. Well this just sucks. I don't recognize Carolina as legit. Which one are they anyway, the Jaguars or the Panthers. I mean when you introduce two new teams into the league, shouldn't you work hard to make them distinctive from each other? Both are named after big cats, both are southeastern cities, I can't keep 'em straight. I hate the Pats more than any other, but I don't recognize this event, so I pick Tom Brady to slip and break his neck on the way to stadium.

Pittsburg at Houston. No Brainer, Pittsburg. The Houston Texans? What's next, the Los Angeles Californians?

San Fran at Philly. Philly wins. Green beats red and gold. In all other classifications they are equal.

Atlanta at Seattle. I have four favorite teams, and Seattle is one of those four teams, they rank fourth on the list. Seattle wins.

St. Louis at Arizona. Again, I don't recognize either team. No game. The Rams belong in LA, the Cards belong in St. Louis, and Arizona, well maybe they should be the Ravens.

Cleveland at Green Bay. Another tough call. Good colors, good helmets, outdoor feilds. Heck, I'll go with Green Bay. Both are classic football teams, so if I'm wrong I won't be upset.

Miami at the Jets. Jets. Jets. Jets. In ALL catagories, Miami sucks. The Jets are my number one team. I will pick them over any other, always.

San Diego at Denver. Next to the Pats, and the Fish, Denver ranks third on the list of teams I hate. In cases like this, a team with yellow as one of their colors get's picked over a team wearing red and blue, which are good decent football colors, but since the Broncos are the Broncos, I pick San Diego.

I'm in a rush, so I'll plow through the remainder.

Oakland over Kansas City. (tough call, black wins)

Giants vs. New Orleans. Ouch. Number two vs. number three. Gotta go with number two, even with the emotional lean toward NO, I gotta pick the Giants, only vs. the Jets can I go against Big Blue.

Washington at Dallas. I like the Redskins. There you go Mom.

DO YOU WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH THIS GUY?

"hue is a idiot. you and your little girlfriend suck. you should move to Iraq if you hate bush. What kind of name is deittra, sounds like a commie name."

This was a comment sent to Huezine in regard to the posted image of GW with the disaster caption. First let's corret the glaring error, Deittra is MY girlfriend, Hue has a lovely wife of his own. Second; Deittra is an African American name, if one must make such distinctions. Thirdly, who's worried about communists? A commie is as anachronistic as a hippie. Lastly, this guy is a Bush supporter. This is the mental attitude that prevails amongst such types, biggoted, uninformed, malicious fuck-headedness. It would appear that 56% of Americans think like this. That's why the other 44% have been so upset for the past six years.

BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

"Katrina exposed serious problems in our response capability at all levels of government and to the extent the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility," - G.W.B.

Okay. I respect that. I honestly never thought he'd accept any responsibility, so that's a start. But what does it mean? Is he saying he's accountable. What are the consequenses? Should he be reprimanded, publicly humiliated, fired?

Clinton was nearly impeached over a blowjob. George left tens of thousands hanging without food or water for five days. I say let the punishment fit the crime.

THE VULTURES CIRCLE

I won't insult anybody's intelligence. We all knew who was going to get the Gulf Coast clean-up contracts.

"Haliburton - We Make Money Off Your Pain"

TOM BRADY'S HEAD

I want it. Screw the platter, just the head. Yes, you heard me right. Call it a bounty, a contract, whatever, just bring me the man's head. I will not witness another year of this. Where's LT when you need him. His thing was knees, and I guess a knee'll do the job, but it's personal now. Last year I would have settled for a career ending knee injury, but now I just want his damn head.

MORE INCITEMENT

'The Washington Post reported on Friday that five of eight top FEMA officials had come to their jobs with virtually no experience in handling disasters. The agency's top three leaders, including Brown, had ties to Bush's 2000 presidential campaign or the White House advance operation.' - CNN

Oh really?

READ MY BLOG

Or don't. I don't care. If you want to leave a comment, however, make sure you actually read what I have said before you launch a tirade in my direction. You'd be doing yourself a favor, really.

SOMEWHERE AROUND 60%

According to a CNN/USA Today and Gallup poll almost two thirds of Americans are nitwits. That's how many think that the response to the disaster in New Orleans and environs is satisfactory. Just less, 56%, think that the situation is 'beyond repair'. Huh? Much worse has happened to cities all over the world since the dawn of time. Did the citzens of Rome pack it up after Alaric sacked it? How about Chicago? That thing with the cow and the flames, remember? San Francisco has been levelled, it's still around. From the same poll 63% think they should rebuild. Hey, didn't 56% of you just say that was impossible? And 66% think that everybody should evacuate. Who's going to rebuild?

Why are so many Americans so stupid?

(I hope the bold type helps)

THE BIG SHOW

My niece Julia attended her first rock concert last night. She went to the Garden to see Coldplay. It took me back to my first concert experiences.

I grew up at the United States Military Academy at West point, and West Point, at the time, boasted the nations largest indoor theater, Eisenhower Hall. Like many of my friends from that time, I saw my first show there. Atlanta Rhythm Section. Steppenwolf was supposed to play as well, but on that spring day in 1979 Steppenwolf finally gave up their long awaited ghost, and thusly I saw The Mushroom Band open for Atlanta Rhythm Section. My fourteen-year-old self was convinced that I was witnessing nothing short of Rock Divinity. Even The Mushroom Band, whom I never heard of again, impressed my impressionable soul.

Of course my true rock Deities at the time were four New Yorkers by the name of KISS, and later in the fall of that year I would glimpse the glory of the Gods of Thunder, but first, during the summer, I got to go to my first real rock concert.

After my family dumped the pitiful soul that was my eldest brother at The Citadel for what would truly be the weirdest vacation of his life, my brother Fred and I snatched up the opportunity to see Nazareth and Frank Marino/Mahogany Rush at the Capitol Center in Maryland. We were visiting some friends of my folks, and we somehow managed to score tickets.

There are moments in your life when your eyes are truly opened for the first time. This concert was my awakening to what the promise of Rock really had in store. I remember Frank Marino doing Purple Haze with purple smoke and strobe lights. I remember Dan McCafferty of Nazareth leaning all the way back, Nigel Tufnel style, unleashing the most powerful vocals I had ever heard, and when he got the entire Capitol Center to clap and wave their hands over their heads on May The Sun Shine, I witnessed the power that music has. Five years in that very venue I saw Bono so completely captivate tens of thousands of people, transfixing us in a moment of unity, it became something bigger, something spiritual.

In the fall of 1979 my best friend's uncle took us to see Kiss at Madison Square Garden. It was the first of many Garden concerts over the years, and probably the most memorable. Kiss in the seventies was something people today just can't comprehend. Admittedly, by 1979, they were fast becoming a self parody, but to witness the BIG SHOW, to be fourteen, and to be in The City, well, you can't beat it. Ever.

I hope Julia's experience last night can compare. I hope Coldplay did for her what 1979 did for me.

A VERY MUSICAL FAMILY....REALLY

There were no musical instruments in my house while I was growing up. Fred might have played the Violin at some point in the very distant past, I'm not positive but I don't recall Rod playing any instrument. My parents had no musical life as I recall. My Dad occasionally brought out his Bagpipe records, but I think we as a culture can agree that Bagpipe music isn't really an acceptable form of listening pleasure. I mean they were invented to scare people, right? I really cannot remember my parent's being into music. My Mother may have been into, say, Perry Como, or something of that ilk, maybe Frank, but I don't remember any music playing in the house until my brothers, and then myself, became obsessed with pop music.

I have made it a point to pursue a direction that I'm not well suited for, with the exception of the desire I have to do it. I have no real natural musical ability. Over many, many years I have acquired some passable skills at performing music, but my only real musical asset is my love for it, and in turn a deep understanding of song construction has developed. I'm not a good singer. I pray that some of my nieces and nephews may have been able to steer around this curse through my sisters-in-law's genes, but none of my parents children can sing for shit. It's a simple fact. It hasn't, and will never stop me from doing it anyway, and that comes back to my passion for music.

Both of my brothers are very passionate about it as well, and so are their wives, and children. We are a very musical family. Fred's family has a podcast. Rod throws a Labor Day bash every year where people bring instruments and amps and have a good old hootananny. My niece Julia plays guitar, trumpet, and now she's onto drums. My nephew Josh is a drummer, and a far more accomplished musician as a pre-teen than I was at twice his age. Both Jessica and Emily play guitar and the piano. I can't play the piano. I wish I could play the piano.

So the new generation is coming along nicely. That makes me happy. I play better when I'm happy.

IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS

I'm taking my cue from Hue.

Oil companies who buy Arab oil:

Shell............................ 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco............ 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil................. 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway...... 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco............................62,231,000 barrels

Oil companies who don't:

Citgo......................0 barrels
Sunoco...................0 barrels
Conoco...................0 barrels
Sinclair....................0 barrels
BP/Phillips................0 barrels
Hess.......................0 barrels
ARC0......................0 barrels

Being that I don't have a car, boycotting arab oil is no problem for me.

September 10th - NO GAS DAY! It's a saturday, so stock up on friday, plan ahead, and don't fill up on saturday.

IT'S FRIDAY, RIGHT?

Food and fresh water are just now arriving? I'm sorry, I, much like GW, have been kinda wrapped up in my own shit, but didn't the hurricane hit, like, Thursday night? Shit, GW had all weekend to get his ass down there. What a dick.

TEDSTOCK GOES PUBLIC

The original Woodstock concert was not conceived as a free show, but as we know, the public took matters into it's own mass communal hands. TEDSTOCK was originally conceived as a private function. My brothers wanted to throw me a party for my birthday. They decided to involve me because they figured they needed my help to get a line on who I wanted there. Well, who I wanted was bands, bands, and more bands. I'm not sure if my brothers resent me for taking it over, essentially, and turning it into a show, but if they don't already they might now.

As of today, I have made an executive decision to open TEDSTOCK to the public. We had thought of dividing the show; 4-8 pm private - 8-2 am public, but a call has come from a number of bands scheduled to play the early portion to open it up to their fans. I don't want to prevent an act from promoting their appearance at TEDSTOCK. Considering the fact that I'm using TEDSTOCK to raise funds for Autism Awareness, and now Hurricane Disaster Relief, I'd be cutting short the potential for that as well.

I am making a list of 'Guests' for TEDSTOCK. It will include friends, family, and band members from the various acts. At the door, 'Guests' will receive a wristband that will entitle them to the open bar and food. Simple.

Rod and Fred, I hope I'm not pushing this thing way beyond what you had in mind, if so, I'm sorry, but it's too late now, and there's a call to action on the account of Rocking!

PODCASTING WITH ALVA

Our new podcasts are up at Huezine.

http://www.huezine.com/smokeandmirrors/ufo.mp3
http://www.huezine.com/smokeandmirrors/CHRISDOESNTCARE.mp3

The first contains six classic UFO tunes:

'Pack It Up and Go'
'This Kids'
'Cherry'
'I'm A Loser'
'Natural Thing'
'Lights Out'

The second podcast is a smattering of 'Lost Classics' Alva/Jackson style:

Triumph - 'Lay It On the Line'
Montrose - 'Bad Motor Scooter'
ZZ Top - 'Nasty Dogs and Funky Kings'
Blue Oyster Cult - 'Then Came the Last Days of May'
Black Sabbath - 'National Acrobat'
KIX - 'Cold Shower'

Enjoy.