Savage Distortion

THE OTHER GUY

I hope to make this a regular feature; extolling the virtues of the unsung heroes of Rock. The guy who nobody interviews, who can check into a hotel under his own name, but at the same time is responsible for a great deal of the character of the sound of the band.

Note the use of the word band. Criteria.

The individual that motivated this post, and hopefully discussion about candidates for recognition is Mike Mills, the bass player and vocalis for R.E.M.

How awesome is fucking Mike fucking Mills?

I gotta say, since Bill Wyman has retired, if I was putting a band together, I'd call Mike.

NOT YOUR EVERYDAY PERSON




I hate the fucking Grammys, but the notion that Sly Stone might, just might, show up for his Lifetime Achievement Award will get me to tune in for sure. Rumor has it that he's got the Family Stone back together for the show, but the show's producers say that it's just that, a rumor. Well, either way, I'll sit through Mimi (with the sound off) and all the other crappy acts simply to get a glimpse of the Greatest All Time Funkmaster - Sly Stone.

I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I

Differences. Diversity is what makes the world interesting and beautiful. It also makes the world hateful and ugly. How do we deal with it? That is the true test. Sometimes I fail that test, and I push people that I care about too far. Sometimes I feel they need to be pushed. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I'm an idiot.

Tony believes in fighting the outside enemy, the terrorist.

I believe in fighting the inside enemy, the facist.

Tony thinks I'm paranoid.

I think Tony is a hawk.

We're both right.

PIPELINE

It's a very exciting time at Smoke and Mirrors. We've got a lot of content in our pipeline. We've just finished an ep for Koichi, some of which has been featured on recent S&M podcasts. The first Brain Shivers record, Santiago Love Songs, is due out by Valentine's Day. By the end of next week we should have some Geek Farm product ready. Next month, we are looking at releases by two bands, Strikes Again!, and House Of Blondes. A second Brain Shivers record, as yet untitled, should be ready by late spring. My own record, Stoned Again, is currently undergoing some additional writing. I've scrapped three songs, and the writing of three more has begun, but the going is slow. I should be able to dedicate more time to that come the end of February, when I'll be back on the dole again. I can't fucking wait. This work shit sucks.

VIOLENTFEMUARY

The new Smoke and Mirrors podcast is up. This month's episode is a few days early, and features Brain Shivers, Koichi, Darvocets, and much more.

OUR PRESIDENT SUCKS




WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A majority of Americans are more likely to vote for a candidate in November's congressional elections who opposes President Bush, and 58 percent consider his second term a failure so far, according to a poll released Thursday.

Somebody please tell Lindsay Graham.

TALK OF GABFEST HEARD ON HILL






Sen. John Kerry is trying to gather support to block Judge Samuel Alito's nomination. As we know, Sen. Kerry couldn't gather support to save a drowning boy, but we'll see what happens. I'm looking forward to a filibuster. I think it's just about the only time a Senator actually earns the scads of money he or she dump in their hedge funds. Why do they need such expensive hedges anyway?

NITWITS RUNNING THINGS

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) - The nation's economy grew at its slowest pace in three years in the fourth quarter, according to the government's gross domestic product report Friday, which came in far weaker than economists' forecasts.

Seems our nations leaders can't do anything right. And we elected them because....? I think GW spends most of his time trying to find a corner in the Oval Office.

JACKSON'S BUILDING AN ARK

It will be outfitted with all the modern conveniences, a green-house, pool tables, bowling alley, and yes, plenty of women. Women of every variety.

Where are we going?





OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb

Yes, and it's only 20,000 light-years away in the constellation Sagittarius.

That's actually pretty far, which is good, because we'll need the time to figure out how to deal with the gravity issue. OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb is approxiamtely 5 1/2 times larger than Earth, so we're going to have to do a bit of work if we want to stand upright when we get there.

Other that the gravity issue, it appears that Ogle (as I'm calling it) is capable of sustaining human life.

When I get to Ogle, I will declare it in the name of Jackson, my flag has yet to be designed, but will feature boobies and marijauna leaves. The Ogle anthem - 'Rocks Off' (Stones/Exile/Track One). On Ogle, blowjobs get you elected to office, not impeached. On Ogle all disputes will be settled by billiards matches.

Ogle - a good place to hang out!

'LEGAL EAGLE' GW HAS NO DOUBTS

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush suggested Thursday he might resist any congressional move to change his controversial program of warrantless surveillance for terrorist threats and said: "There's no doubt in my mind it is legal."

What, exactly, IS in his mind. Where did George get his law degree? Law Degrees-R-Us?

Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't previously posted about this issue, because to me it's a non-issue. Not because I think it's perfectly legal for the Government to spy on us, but because it's not anything new. What's new, is that they are stupid enough to tell us about it.

DEMOCRACY AT WORK

"The Islamic fundamentalist group Hamas, which has said it favors the destruction of Israel, won a landslide victory in Palestinian legislative elections, securing 76 seats in the 132-member legislature, officials said today." - CNN

Careful what you wish for.

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

It has been suggested that my political views might be skewed by a lack of light, children or juice. Nothing could be further from the actuality of my life. I am a very happy man, fortunate beyond belief. I have it all. I have not one, but two jobs that I actually enjoy. I have the love of a beautiful and decent woman. Although I do not have kids of my own, I am blessed to be able to enjoy the company of my many nieces and nephews, and the children of my very close friends.

I drink a shit-ton of juice.

Those who read my blog, for the most part, know this, since my readership is mostly made up of my family and close friends.

I couldn't be happier.

So why all the gloom and doom? Because, unlike me, there are many who are not nearly as fortunate as I am, and unlike others who are content as long as their piece of the pie is secure, I give a damn. I care about homosexuals who are discriminated against. I care about ethnic populations who continue to struggle in America. I care about people other than the ones I have the pleasure to know and love.

Also, I care about the people in my life who exhibit the propensity to not care, and I want them to look outside of their cozy corners and see the reality that they do not face, that indeed, they turn away from when confronted.

I do believe in the better nature of mankind. That's what it's all about, I'm practicing it. I'm calling for it, I'm blowing the whistle on the evil in the world that prevents us all from enjoying the sun, juice, and children.

WHERE IS KEN STARR NOW?

"WASHINGTON, Jan. 24 - The Bush administration, citing the confidentiality of executive branch communications, said Tuesday that it did not plan to turn over certain documents about Hurricane Katrina or make senior White House officials available for sworn testimony before two Congressional committees investigating the storm response." - New York Times

Oh yeah, it's not about a BJ. It's only about human lives, much less important.

FACING THE FACTS

"Andrew Krepinevich, a retired Army officer who wrote the report under a Pentagon contract, concluded that the Army cannot sustain the pace of troop deployments to Iraq long enough to break the back of the insurgency. He also suggested that the Pentagon's decision, announced in December, to begin reducing the force in Iraq this year was driven in part by a realization that the Army was overextended." - CNN/AP

I bet Andy's not very popular at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The truth hurts, don't it.

YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP

It has been stated, on this blog, and elswhere, that one reason why Democrats aren't winning a lot of elections, is because they ridicule religion. I have never heard any candidate belittle anyone's religios beliefs. I have heard Democrats speak of the dangers of combining religion and politics, but to dismiss religion out of hand is political suicide, and NOBODY is that dumb. I would like somebody, notably those who have made such claims, to back them up with some examples. Please.

HERE'S YOUR HANDBASKET, NOW OFF YOU GO

This country has sold it's soul to the soul-less, and as we prepare for the forgone conclusion, the assention of Judge 'Scumbag' Alito to the highest court in the land, we should all take notice that the far right has control of all three branches of our government. There are no more checks or balances, and I suggest we change our tag line to 'land of the bought and home of the sold'.

SUPER BOWL

I was right. Everybody bow to me, king of prognosis.

I like the Steelers. Seattle, as I have said, has been my number three team for some time, but as I take a look at my feelings on the matter, I guess that has changed. I don't like Mike Holmgren, I mean he's a great coach, but he's also a big fat ass. I don't like Matt Hasslebeck either, not as fat as Holmgren, but an arrogant ass none the less. I don't even like Sean Alexander much, in fact the only Seahawk I do like is # 87, Joe Jurevicius. Come back to NY, Joe. We miss you.

Anyway, I do like Jerome Bettis, he's a class act. So is Big Ben, and so Pittsburgh, it seems, has usurped Seattle as my number three team, and I pick Jerome and company to win in his home town, Detroit.

DR. PHILTY BASTARD

ALBANY, N.Y., Sept. 30 /PRNewswire/ -- Families of children with special mental health needs are outraged by recent episodes of the Dr. Phil show, saying the talk show host has misinformed and stigmatized families. - PRNewswire

What a fucking cunt. I'm sorry but the word fits. That's what he is, a fucking cunt.

Oprah, I implore you on the behalf of all humanity to put down this monster you created.

The worst thing about him is that countless multitudes actaully think this guy is a real doctor, and that his 'advice' is based on practical knowledge gained by working with families.

He's a fake, fraudulent cunt.

The Dr. Phil Show aired two recent episodes on children's mental health and parenting. In his primetime episode, which aired on CBS September 22nd, Dr. Phil highlighted a family whose nine-year-old son was rubbing his feces on the walls of the house, torturing animals, acting violently toward his siblings and was prone to intense tantrums. Dr. Phil informed the parents that their son did not have a behavior problem -- that his problems were the result of poor parenting. He continued by informing the parents that their child had 9 of the 14 characteristics of a serial killer.

"Hundreds of concerned family members have contacted us to express their outrage," said Paige Macdonald, Executive Director of Families Together in New York State, a statewide organization that advocates for families of children with special mental health needs. Macdonald is also the parent of a child diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism.

"This child clearly needs a thorough evaluation by a trained children's mental health specialist. Never once did Dr. Phil suggest an evaluation or provide information about supports available to this family and child. Instead, he used this as an opportunity to blame and shame parents of a child in need of help."

"By blaming parents, Dr. Phil has created a situation where thousands of families will be reluctant to seek treatment for their child. With suicide being the third leading cause of death for teens, any deterrent to seeking treatment can be devastating," Ms. Macdonald continued.

That was back in September, now he's done it again.

Hue. B. Mooksuki on the recent Dr. Phil show on autism:

"Not only did he put autism awareness back a few decades, he actually made it seem like kids with autism are violent and to be feared!!!"

I didn't see the show of course. I'd need to be paid well, in cash, to tune into that ass crack's show, but I trust Hue on the matter. I'd say a man who works three jobs to pay for therapy for his autistic son, therapy that insurance won't cover, knows a bit about the subject, which is a great deal more than Dr. Cunt.

JACKSON WELCOMES NEW JETS COACH



Patriots defensive coordinator Eric Mangini was hired as New York Jets coach Tuesday, becoming the youngest head coach in the NFL. - ABC/ESPN

I have no problem with this choice. I was worried that the Jets even entertained the notion of hiring Mike Tice. Eric Mangini is a great fit for the Jets, he's young, and he's studied under the best. Though I hate Belichik, I hold no ill will toward Mangini, who has shown himself to be a great defensive mind. With Chad healthy, a young motivated head coach, and a good first round draft pick, Gang Green should be in good shape for 2006.

RHINO EXTINCT?

Rhino Records Shop, the venerable L.A. record shop founded in 1973, has officially closed its doors.

Owner Richard Foos says: "As bad as it is for everybody, it's much worse for independents. I don't know all the reasons. It's so complicated. There's literally hundreds of reasons." Foos adds dispiritedly: "There's too many other things to do and too many ways to get your music without paying $18 for a CD. ... I don't see a great future for physical product." -CNN

I don't think it's a matter of a dwindling marketplace for retail music. I was in Virgin Megastore yesterday and the place was packed, as usual. People still like to shop, and will continue to purchase music at stores. I think the digital revolution will serve to bring prices down in the physical retail market, and that's cool. Rhino Records has fallen victim to bad decision making. They moved the store away from it's established clientel. In L.A., where folks spend half their lives in their cars, the thought that your customers will follow you across town is a huge error in judgement.

HI, IT'S ME AGAIN





Ever wonder why I pop up every time your president has a hard time skirting the law and walking all over your civil rights? Really, I mean it's wierd, isn't it? I seem to become active again whenever there's a scandal over there concerning your president, or the Congress he bought. See these books behind me? Not real. They're fake, just like my beard, and the gun. Anyway, I'm supposed to say something about how I'm gearing up to attack you all again, but I'm tired, so I'll just leave it at.............. Boo!

Are you scared yet?

OVER MY DEAD LEGISLATIVE BODY

"I'm not going to lend my support to an effort by this president to move the Supreme Court and the law radically to the right and to remove the final check within our democracy," Sen. Patrick Leahy, the top Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee, said during an address at Georgetown University. "At a time when the president is seizing unprecedented power, the Supreme Court needs to act as a check and to provide balance," Leahy said. "Based on the hearing and his record, I have no confidence that Judge Alito would provide that check and balance." - CNN

It ain't over yet. If this guy doesn't get in, God willing, I wonder who GW will pick next. Most of the quality nazis are long dead.

CAN I GET MORE ME IN MY CANS

It's always refreshing to throw yourself on the other side of the glass. I just got back from a recording session up in Midtown. A producer that I know asked me to help her out with some vocals on a track for an industrial. Why not?

I'm certainly no great singer, but apparently I gave them what they wanted. It was a great experience being in a different studio, and not running the session. I was strictly 'talent', and I very conciously refrained from adding my two cents, which I'm sure was appreciated. It's not easy. There's a natural tendancy to want to chime in, instruct the other singers, and offer advice on which take was best, but I held my tongue, for once, and had a rewarding experience.

I was also paid 25 bucks for an hour's work, which is the most money I ever made singing.

SURFING JAZZ ZEN FOOD

Sure, I post what I can remember of certain masterpieces that have fallen from the Pan of Paradise, the Oven of Olympus, the Almighty Ayatollah of Wok and Roll-Ah, the Undisputed Master of the Useless Appendage of the Flightless Foul, Sultan of Soup, the One, the True King of the Kitchen!

But I don't do recipes, man. That is to say, I haven't used one in a good long while.

Yes, it's true, that when I cooked for a living, I used recipes. I had to provide food people could recognize. It was very good for me, because it laid a foundation upon which I could build the Fortress of Food, the Castle of Cuisine, the Kingdom of...........alright, I already did that bit.

Anyway, I no longer use any part of my brain to plan out a meal. The meal plans itself. It's like Amsterdam, you don't plan your day there, the city does it for you, you're there, you'll know what to do when the time comes.

Surfing.

There's no mapping out the ride, you can try to do some things, work some stuff out in advance, but ultimately the wave will dictate your moves.

Jazz.

You already know what goes with what, and you're free enough to try something new. You've got the foundation, now fly.

Zen.

You are the recipe Hue.

IN THE NEWS

Brittany Spears, who was raised a Baptist and has famously studied Kabbalah, a branch of Jewish mysticism — now is apparently dabbling in Hinduism.

The woman prays like I eat.

Seventies teen idol Leif Garrett was being held without bail after authorities said he was suspected of carrying narcotics and not having a subway ticket.

I don't care about the drugs, it's the fare-beating that bothers me. String him up!

My Horror-Scope:

The tide will start to ebb today, just after it reaches its highest point. There is a moment of standstill now, dear Scorpio, and you will find that things are about to pick up again quite considerably. The shift that is happening within you is profound, and though you may not notice its effects all at once, you should trust that things will be coming your way as the weeks go by.

Well that clears up a lot. Apparently 'things' are coming my way. Right.

The giraffes and other exotic animals Michael Jackson has kept at his Neverland Ranch are not being mistreated, federal officials have concluded.

Not anymore. The scars are on the inside, dude.

Laura Bush criticized Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Wednesday for suggesting that the Republican-controlled House is run like a plantation where dissenting voices are ignored.

"It think it's ridiculous, it's a ridiculous comment," said the First Lady, "the Republican controlled House is run like a plantation where dissenting voices are dealt with severly and with impunity."

Singer Kelly Clarkson, who vaulted to fame as the first "American Idol" winner in 2002, is not letting any of her songs be used by new contestants on the show.

Thank God for small favors.


Actor William Shatner has sold his kidney stone for $25,000, with the money going to a housing charity.





A post-op Shatner beams with pride.


It's a crazy world indeed, and I am selling tickets.

........And Furthermore

Sen. Hillary Clinton, in reference to her remarks on Monday, added that she loves chicken and waffles, the Cosby Show, and that Common is 'da bomb'.

Well she may as well have. Anyway, it's a given that her remarks were tailored to insipre her audience, to incite them, to get them riled up. Anybody with a pulse who MAY be inclined to vote democrat should be a prime target for the democrats, and whatever you gotta say to get 'em to the polls come November, well hell, say that shit.

The only people who are upset about what she said are the already shit scared scandal ridden federal government bankrupting elitist WHITE republicans. (I forgot war mongering, but hey, you knew that already). African Americans are fine with Hillary's comments.

Al Sharpton:

"I absolutely defend her saying it because I said it through the '04 elections."

Yes you did Al, but I remember your delivery being much more entertaining.

Maybe someday white people will listen to black people without having to have it repeated by another white person first.

Example A: The Beastie Boys

Nuff Said.

DENMARK VESEY'S PLANTATION

Y'all should take a trip over to one of my favorite blogs. I gotta update my blogroll. This guy, Papa Robbie, is a freind of the Legal Diva, but don't hold that against him. He is well informed, opinionated, and funny as hell.

From his post on Chuck Norris:

"Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down."

"When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever."

There's also a great exposee on the Reagan Myth, that is the implication that he was anything other that an actor.

NHL STANDINGS

Tony's Thrashers - 22/18, 2nd place in loser sunbelt division, 7th in conference.
Hue's Wild - 20/21, last place in tough TRUE HOCKEY division, 12th in conference.
My Canucks - 26/15, 2nd place in tough TRUE HOCKEY division, 6th in conference.










What do they put in the Stanley Cup anyway? Molson? Better be because the Canucks be gettin' thirsty.

As of this post, the Hurricanes are still called the Hurricanes, and are still in Carolina. Losers.

JACKSON PREDICTS INCREASE IN DEMAND OF PARROTS

"LONDON, England -- A computer programmer found out his girlfriend was having an affair when his pet parrot kept repeating her lover's name, British media reported Tuesday." - CNN

"I love you Gary, awwwk"

OMG, LOL, and all that.....

HILLARY COMES OUT SWINGIN'

The House "has been run like a plantation, and you know what I'm talking about," said Clinton, D-New York. "It has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard."

"We have a culture of corruption, we have cronyism, we have incompetence," she said. "I predict to you that this administration will go down in history as one of the worst that has ever governed our country." - CNN

Tell us how you really feel Hill. I couldn't agree more, but I wish somebody I respected said it instead of the self righteous non-BJ giving Senator from New York.

CAN I GIVE YOU A HAND WITH THAT?

"WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court, with Chief Justice John Roberts dissenting, upheld Oregon's one-of-a-kind physician-assisted suicide law Tuesday, rejecting a Bush administration attempt to punish doctors who help terminally ill patients die." - CNN

I can see why GW would be against this sort of thing, considering he's terminally stupid, somebody might want to assist him with his eternal rest. Shouldn't be too hard either, you'd just need a tape player placed under his bed with a tape of GOD telling him he's too stupid to live.

NFL PLAYOFFS ADDENDUM

I watched the Denver Broncos crush the dreams of the pansy Pats at Nice Guy Eddie's with Paul and Leslie. It seemed there were a number of Pats fans there, most notably at the table next to us. I don't get it, how can any New Yorker, any self respecting New Yorker, be a Pats fan? They didn't respond well to my chanting 'Brady is a lady and Jake is the snake!" Too fucking bad for them, losers. Then, one of them had the audacity to ask me: A) why was I routing for Denver? And B) why was I wearing a Pennington jersey? Is this guy a freaking moron?

THIS IS NEW YORK FUCKING CITY, I AM A NEW YORK FUCKING JETS FAN, THE PUSSY PATRIOTS ARE THE GOD DAMNED FREAKING ENEMY, THE SWORN NEMESIS OF ANY SELF RESPECTING NEW YORKER! (You can insert the Dolphins into this equation easily, nobody sweats the Bills, so I leave the poor fellows alone.)

Jeez!

NEW PODSCAST: JANHAMMUARY

There's a new Smoke and Mirrors podcast up at smokeandmirrors.podblaze.com. If features Koichi Band, Brain Shivers, Live Microdot, and some surprises. I hope you all enjoy it. Technically it's not my best show, the segues aren't all that, but I was rusty, and tired, and you guessed it - stoned.

SMOKE AND MIRRORS UPDATE

Whilst I was traveling about the country helping Pharma folks with their powerpoint, Chris was a busy little bee with Strikes Again!, Geek Farm, and the Koichi Band.

The Strikes Again! record, or mini LP, or EP, sounds great! There's still some tracking to do, but it's coming together in a HUGE way.

The Koichi Band record, or demo, or EP, is done. Thanks to George for the Mastering.

Geek Farm is, of course, a place where geeks are cultivated. The cultivation continues. There has been some progress, we will see them again Wednesday, and we'll work toward the harvesting of some Brooklyn Grown Geeks.

MLK III IS NO MLK JR.

The King Center in Atlanta is a mess. Two of the esteemed Human Rights activist's children, Dexter and Yolanda King, are in favor of selling the facility to the federal government. Martin L. King III and Bernice King, however do not. They want to retain control of the center. The heart of the matter is greed.

"The center, which includes a library, archives and exhibits, as well as the final resting place of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., is now in need of more than $11 million in repairs, according to published reports." - BlackAmericaWeb.com

Jackson, the roving reporter, having just returned from Atlanta, was informed by local sources that MLK III has misappropriated funds amounting in the tens of millions over the years, and the state of the center is a direct result of his greed and negligence.

Beyond that ugliness lies the fact that Federal ownership of the Center would not only solve the immediate repair issues, but would further the investment that the Federal Government has in the legacy of Dr. King.

I would like to see a MLK monument on the mall in DC. This is a concept who's time has come, and I know I'm not alone. I think that Federal ownership of the King Center would forward the cause of a national monument.

I'd also like to see MLK III put out on the street, but that's another matter.

NFL PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE WRAP UP

Three out four ain't bad. Big surprise on the Pittsburgh/Indy game. NICE! Too bad for the Bears. It looks like Carolina will just have to lose to Seattle instead. The Denver/Pittsburgh game will be good, I'm gonna pick with my heart and choose Pittsburgh.

Super Bowl: Steelers/Seahawks!!!!!!

I'm torn. I like Seattle, they've been my #3 team since the mid eighties, but I have a soft spot for Jerome Bettis, and wouldn't mind him retiring with a ring. Roethlisberger is pretty cool too. His name barley fits on his jersey, that's so football.

NFL PLAYOFFS WEEK TWO: AND THEN THERE WERE EIGHT

I'm picking:

Seattle over Washington
Denver over the Pats
Chicago over Carolina
Pittsburgh over Indy

There's a goodly amount of wishful thinking going on here.

A CONCESSION AND APOLOGY......SORT OF

From the Netflix website:

"With Netflix you can rent as many DVDs as you want from the comfort of your home and have them delivered to your door in about 1 business day! There are no late fees and no due dates"

That changes everything. Netflix subscribers, and their Blockbuster counterparts, pay a monthly fee, and in return they can posses the content of whatever media they have 'signed out' indefinitely.

I knew this. I have used Netflix. I asked the Legal Diva to open an account so I could watch a UFO DVD, which wasn't very good, and after returning the DVD, we cancelled the account. You can find an amazing amount of obscure stuff at Netflix. They are a great service, and I'll probably open an account with them in the future, probably when I find some rare Saxon DVD, which will suck too, worse even probably.

Anyway, I got carried away on Fred's blog, and I wish somebody had simply shut me up straight off by pointing out the open ended nature of the contract that Netflix holds with it's clients.

But I also found this in the Terms Of Use Disclaimer on the Netflix website:

"Content shall not be reproduced or used without express written permission from Netflix, Inc., or its suppliers."

SO, I'M RIGHT!

But I don't feel too bad about what my niece is doing.....I suppose.

ORANGE LIGHTER THEFT

Is Immoral and wrong. To make light of such infractions of the law is irresponsible, but very funny.

DAMN RIGHT I GOT THE BLUES

The third time is the charm. Last night I finally got to see the man hiself, Buddy Guy, play in his house, Buddy Guy's Legends. Chan and I got done early, and checked the Buddy Guy's Legends website to see who was playing.

Jackson: Uh, Chan, guess who's playing.

Chan: Who?

Jackson: The man hiself, Buddy Fucking Guy!

We called for tickets, were informed that there were a few available at the box office. We jumped in a cab, and headed downtown, and got there in time to make the show.

When you see Buddy Guy when he's on tour, you see a show, a concert, arranged with a set list, and lights, the package. Come January, Buddy takes the month off from the road, comes home to Chicago, and plays four nights a week at his club. It's a whole different show. It's Buddy in Buddy's house, doing whatever he wants to do.

Buddy: I don't like to rehearse, the band don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do.

From the get go he just let it all hang out. Playing bits of songs, stopping the band, starting another, maybe only playing a verse, then stopping:

Buddy: Here's some Eric Clapton shit from the sixties with Cream....

And he played a bit of 'Strange Brew'. Then he did a bit of John Lee Hooker..."Boom Boom Boom".

Buddy: Here's something from another rock guy......

Stomps on the wah, 'Voodoo Chile'.

He did the whole stroll through the audience bit, and yours truly was blessed with an up close an personal moment with Mr. Guy.

He shredded, stomped, wailed, made jokes, noises, and lot's of dirty talk. It wasn't about perfection, it was about fun, for him, and everybody there.

Buddy Guy is the greatest living bluesman.

Damn Right.

MORE WAAAAAAAH














Boo Hoo

WAAAAAAH (cont.)



Boo hoo too.

WAAAAAAH


Boo fucking hoo.

ALSO IN THE NEWS

Professional Skiier, Bode Miller apologised for his remark:

“There’s been times when I’ve been in really tough shape at the top of the course. Talk about a hard challenge right there. ... If you ever tried to ski when you’re wasted, it’s not easy."

(No apology necessary Bode, and I concur, though it's a good deal of fun)

Tennessee cops pulled over 7 year boy driving a pick-up.

(also a good deal of fun)

A convicted German cannibal returned to court on Thursday for a retrial to determine if his killing and eating of a willing victim amounted to murder.

(No, it's euthanasia tartar, and a good deal of fun)

Taiwan, home to the world’s first transgenic glowing fish, has successfully bred fluorescent green pigs.

(definately a good deal of fun)

A South Korean cloning pioneer, Woo Suk Hwang, accused of ethics violations apologized to the public on Thursday.

(his name is Woo Suk Hwang for chrissakes! There's endless possibility for a good deal of fun with that one)

DEATH AWAITS ME

The following list of the worst things to eat/drink I found on MSN.

Hydrogenated fats; avoid buying cookies, crackers, baked goods or anything else that has hydrogenated oil on the ingredient list.

I can do that.

Olestra. Olestra has been shown to bind with fat-soluble vitamins A, E, D and K and carotenoids—substances thought to keep the immune system healthy and prevent some cancers—and to eliminate them from your system.

No problem, I prefer real fat.

Nitrates; many foods, especially cured meats such as bacon and hot dogs, use nitrates to preserve color and maintain microbial safety. Nitrate is harmless, but it can convert to nitrite, which can form nitrosamines, a powerful cancer-causing chemical, in your body. When you do eat foods containing nitrates, have a glass of orange juice at the same time. Vitamin C is known to inhibit the conversion to nitrosamines in your stomach.

I have a weakness for foods that contain nitrates, but I do drink a shit-ton of juice.

Alcohol; this one item has created more problems than all the rest put together.

Amen. Removing alcohol from my diet is just not going to happen.

Raw oysters; raw oysters can carry deadly bacteria that can cause severe illness or death.

I didn't want to hear that. I have a serious problem here.

Saturated animal fats, found in fatty meats, especially beef and pork, or the skin on poultry. It also includes full-fat dairy products such as cheese, milk and cream.

Another serious problem.

Soda

Not an issue, I don't drink it.

Low-acid home-canned foods.

Who does this? Home canned food? I'm not familiar with this phenomena.

High-fat snacks, chips; it is thought that too many of these fats may be leading to certain chronic diseases.

I do eat chips, but only when they are around. I don't buy them, but they show up at the studio, and My Baby's house. Corn chips are the best tasting chips.

Liquid meals.

I think they are referring to Ensure and other supplementary type stuff, which I don't drink, but I've had my share of liquid lunches, and dinners, but we've covered that already.

Okay, so I'm not ready for the bone-yard yet, but man, this health stuff ain't easy. Sometimes my dinner is raw oysters, beer, and cheese. Toss in beef jerkey, and I'm in heaven.

ALITO IS A DUPLICITOUS SCUMBAG

And his wife is a sniveling jerk who's obviously going through 'the change', and should stay the fuck home. This guy needs to be grilled like a fucking cheese sandwich. He's displayed, throughout his career, a propensity for dishonesty, and I can tell, just by looking at him, that he's for sale.

MORE ADVENTURES OF THE ORANGE LIGHTER

Orange Lighter II and I had a great time in Atlanta, both with the Alva's, and with Chan. We, Orange Lighter II and I, are on our way to Chicago. We'll meet up with Chan again there. We look forward to being reunited wth Orange Lighter I, if in fact Orange Lighter I has resurfaced, as Chris mentioned. It could be, however, that he is refering to the return of Orange Lighter II, which went awol for a day just prior to my leaving.

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF.....

My Orange Lighter is gone. Orange Lighter II disapeared around 11:30 pm.

THE JETS IN '06

UPDATE:

Herm may leave for KC, I hope he doesn't. Some say the deal is done, but it's not.


The problem the Jets had this year was the red zone. Scoring TD's came hard after we lost Chad and Fiedler in the same game. They'll settle up with the Jags in due course for that offense. Ty Law will be happy to decapitate Leftwich, no problem.

So what now Chad?

“The Jets are going to do what the organization needs to do to get this team better at every position, including the quarterback position,” Pennington said. “Likewise, I’m going to do what I need to do to get better. If I get better, this organization will be better. No one can argue with our success when I’ve been a healthy quarterback. So my focus this offseason is to get healthy.” Added Edwards: “We want Chad back; we want Chad to be the quarterback. But Chad knows he’s going to be competing for the job. He’s been told that, he’s okay with that, and he understands that. That’s going to make him better, and whoever comes in here, it’s going to make him better.”

“I have one thing on my side, and that’s time,” Pennington said. “Last time I didn’t have time; I had to work really hard to get back. This year, I’m really excited about having that time, doing it the right way, and coming back and being right where I need to be. I feel really good about my progress. What I faced the first time with my surgery was a lot harder than what I’m going through now.”

And Vinny:

“I couldn’t have written a better ending; it’s been great,” Testaverde said, referring to his second stint with the Jets. “My last pass was a touchdown pass on ‘Monday Night Football.’ There’s no better way to go out than having the fans cheering for you.”

And Brooks:

“There are just too many variables,” Bollinger said, referring to the coaches’ decision at quarterback. “I’m just going to control what I can control and, hopefully, it works out for the best.”

No word on Jay Fiedler. I like Jay, he's a hometown boy. I hope he comes back as the #2. I like Brooks too, he did a great job as far as I'm concerned, and I'd like to see him do well, maybe they'll need him in Jacksonville after Ty takes care of Leftwich.

HOOK 'EM HORNS!

No F'ing way! Texas beat USC! Ha F'ing Ha! My buddy Chan was at the game. Chan's an Austin boy, I bet there was some serious whoopin' it up in LA last night, Texas style! Gotta say, Heisman Schmeisman.

HELL ELVIS, YOU ARE THE DEVIL

I love my brother. He's a great guy. He's very kind to me. If Al Gore hadn't invented the internet, Fred would have, or would have found somebody to do it. Seeing as how my sense of humor doesn't always translate, that was a joke. Anyway, in the blogsphere at least, there seems to be a bone of contention between us. I insist on lamenting what we give up for progress, while he embraces, and drives the trends I rail against. I bring this up, not to call him out, but to clarify my position. I am not trying to stop progress, I'm not that stupid. I want what he wants, everything. I am, of course, talking about music. As it has been pointed out, I can still buy my music the way I always have, and I do, but I want to enjoy the convenience of buying my music on the web as well. I just don't want to give up the entire experience in the process. Part of my obsession with records is the information and entertainment I get from the liner notes and art that comes with traditional packaging. I don't see much concern for it. That bothers me. I feel that the new media can easily provide me with what I want, but it's not all there yet. I don't want to have to get the window dressing from a different source than where I get the window. Provide me with PDFs when I download, and I'll shut up.

WHAT'S MY NAME BITCH!

Canucks! Yeah baby! Let's tally up shall we.

Tony's Thrashers - 18 wins, 17 losses, 3rd place in division (loser sun belt division), 9th in conference.

Hue's Wild - 19 wins, 17 losses, last place in division, 11th in conference.

My Canucks - 21 wins, 13 losses, 3rd place in division (same division as Wild), 7th in conference.

It's tough with Edmonton and Calgary in your division.

SWAMI SAYS....

Playoffs Dude!

Washington will defeat Tampa. Clinton Portis will run for 10,000 yards, pass for 300, and wear funny clothes.

Jacksonville will destroy New England after Tom Brady ingests a 'funny' mushroom on his pregame pizza.

The Giants will beat Carolina in a very close game that will probably go into OT.

The Steelers will lose to Cincinnati, and many will cry. They should have kept Plaxico.

I'm just ecstatic about Dallas sitting it out.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE NHL

By the end of the month, Football will be over. Enter Hockey. I have compiled a short list of things the NHL needs to do to survive, as it's in bad shape. If they'll listen to me, we can straighten out this mess.

If the pond in your backyard doesn't freeze over during winter, you can't play hockey. Say goodbye to your Thrashers Tony, goodbye to all the teams below the snow belt. No Dallas, LA, Orlando....is there a team there?

Anyway, hockey can't survive in warm weather. Indeed, and that brings us to my second point. The season is too damn long. Give us a break. Here's a handy equation: USA = ADD. And again, if the pond in your back yard isn't frozen, you can't play. No more hockey during warm weather. The hockey season should be based on the temperature in Edmonton. As soon as the ponds around Edmonton freeze - game on! Come the thaw, playoffs. I'd say 5 months tops.

And take the helmets back off. Hockey was much cooler without helmets.

That's about it for now.

CHEF JACKSON SAYS.......LET'S PARTY!

As frequent readers know, I love to cook. Hue suggested I start a new foodie blog, but I ain't got time for two blogs, and besides, The Savage Distortion has room for whatever I have to say. My life is too segmented already, I don't need to further hinder my deeply disorganized self.

I will blog more about cooking, though. I foresee a time, this year, when I will be able to actually have my own kitchen, which will prompt more food blogging, which will, in turn, prompt Chrispy to shrug and say; "I don't get it."

Jackson's Eight Rules For Cooking:

1) Preparation. Don't think, just shop. Start with the meat. Buy some. Get some fresh produce. You'll always need onions. Stock cans of beans, beans are great last minute filler.

2) Inebriation. Do not cook sober. Crack a bottle open, pack the pipe, get down to business.

3) Marination. ALWAYS SOAK YER MEAT! I like to use liquor. Beer is good. Wine is fine, but old hat really. If you are marinating veggies, say mushrooms, lay off the liquor, stick with wine or beer.

4) Combination. Trust yourself. You know what goes well with what, just do it. Remember the onions, they go with anything.

5) Conflagration. Before introducing food to a pan, get that shit hot! Don't be afraid of the flame. Once you get going, you turn it down.

6) Anticipation. You know a potato takes longer to cook than a prawn. Act accordingly. Remember you can slow roast your meat because of your awesome marinade, so you don't have to rush anything if you think it through.

7) Mastication. Eat that shit!

8) Refridgeration. Save that shit!

Above all, enjoy. Cooking is fun.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

To celebrate the new year, I did many things.

I bought a new Orange Lighter, I call it Orange Lighter II. It's in my front left pocket as I type.

I went to DC to celebrate with my Lady, the Legal Diva. On Saturday we visited my folks, we had soup and sandwiches, chatted, and my parents gave me a Canucks jersey. I love it. I'm digging the jersey look. Tony Alva gave me a Pennington Jets jersey for my birthday, and the Canucks jersey was supposed to be a birthday gift as well, but it took a while to arrive. I think I'd like a Shockey or Strahan Giants jersey, and maybe a Randal El Steelers jersey. No baseball or basketball, just hockey and football.

New Year's Eve I made tapas. We had roasted sausage (bratwurst and bockwurst), pickled red cabbage, roasted sweet potatoes with scallions, black olives and sweet gerkins, dutch gouda cheese, smoked peppers (red bell, and poblano), and sliced baguette.

Since the Legal Diva's DVD player is on the fritz, we picked up some board games; Clue, and Life. There aren't many board games that work with two players, but we managed, and had fun.

The Giants won! The Legal Diva's ESPN reception isn't very good, so we just tuned in every once in a while to check the score.

On Sunday my baby did the cookin'. She hit me with the southern New Year's meal. Black eyed peas, greens, jerk beef ribs, and rice. We eat very well.

On my return to New York, I came into a session in progress at Smoke and Mirrors. Koichi's band was finishing up the tracking on their five song demo. We're getting good sounds, and the mixing shouldn't be too crazy because we didn't try and layer too much on top of the basic tracks.

Happy New Year everyone. Now let's get back to life.